Sleepless Nights

I awoke this morning at 2:12 am and could not get back to sleep. I hate that! Some days I have a million and one things jumbling aound in my head and it gets overcrowded and I just can't shut down for the night. I am obsesive. I think about things over and over and over...I really want to work on that problem this year. I stated out the new year with a list of "intentions". The heck with resolutions! I never keep them so I never make them anymore. My main intention is to experience more of the "now".... not to let special everyday moments pass me by. I want to see so much of the kids' discoveries. As I was thinking about my intentions at 2 am I thought that it must be God wanting me to pray about something, so... I did, and at 2:17 I still could not fall asleep..so I got out my pad and a pen and just started to write whatever popped into my pea brain. I write a lot and then misplace the journals and then I buy new journals only to misplace those...I guess having a blog really is a good thing...think of all the trees I am saving. As I was writing I was also thinking about scrapbook layouts. I am going to concentrate on scrapping items and photos of things that touch my heart. The first thing/person that came to mind was Nana Sara. She is never very far from the front of my mind. In fact, I feel her pressence every single day. It's in the flowers that bloom while there is still snow on the ground. It's in the fresh smell of line dried linens. It's in the flowers that border my stationary. Her essece surrounds me at times and reminds me that it's all good with the world. So, at 2:21 this morning I wrote this:
"One More... One more talk~one more visit~one last piece of lemon mereigne pie from Grove Bakery~ What I would give for one more last moment~ I miss our visits, when you passed I lost my bestest friend, my cheerleader, my shrink, my shopping partner. The world lost so much when you left and it will never be the same again. I have tried over the past three years to be a good wife, mother, daughter, and sister, but I stuggle through each day. Your words of wisdom are never far from my mind. As I write this I feel such a heaviness~ I can scarcely see the lines on this page because of tears. Oh Nana, I miss you so much. I pray for strength, wisdom, patience, and compassion, but these intangibles seem to be just out of my reach. I wish I could sit next to you while you watch your favorite TV shows. I wish I could read the gossip rags with you as we have a glass of pepsi. I wish I could eat a piece of chicken from KFC. I know that this sounds funny, but I haven't been able to do any of these things since you left. I am afraid of making new memories because they may push the memories I have of you away. It just doesn't seem right. I wish I could go back and do all the things we did together. I just want One More"

So now you all know I've officially lost it.. I guess I have to go find whatever it is and get the kids going on their school work.

Love and Blessings!
Mary